So Hard and So Good: The Carters' Open Adoption Story
Twenty-five birth mothers passed on the Carters' profile before Jackie found it and everything changed, including her own mind about wanting a closed adoption.
The Hard and Good of Open Adoption Success
Twenty-five birth mothers looked through the Carters' family profile. Twenty-five times, the birth mother decided the Carters weren't the family to raise her unborn child.
"We had been waiting a year and a half," Kelsey Carter said. "Jackie finally saw our profile book and wanted to have a phone call."
The Call That Changed Everything
Kelsey describes the call as "nerve-wracking beyond compare. You want the birth mom to really get a sense of who you are, but have no idea how to really do that in a 15–20-minute phone call." She recognized the hard as well as the good of open adoption.
"I had this overwhelming feeling that this baby was going to be raised in our home," Kelsey said, "and Jackie would be a part of our family forever."
Building a Real Relationship--The Hard and Good of Open Adoption Success
Jackie chose the Carters, and they had about 7–8 weeks before the baby was born. They talked almost every week, getting to know her and her two other children.
"We've had friends who walked into the hospital in an almost blind date-type situation," Kelsey said. "Our case was totally different. We felt like we were already family."
From Closed to Open Adoption—And It's Been the Best
Originally, Jackie thought she wanted a closed adoption. The Carters told her to pray about it and that they would always follow her lead. She changed her mind during the following phone call.
"Choosing open adoption has been the absolute best! We saw her two times after hospital discharge before we flew home. Now we still text several times a week."
Love Doesn't Divide—It Multiplies
"My husband and I have come a long way," Kelsey said, referring to when they once thought adoption would mean having to "share" their kids. "I don't feel that way at all now. Every kid needs love and as much as possible."
Even the hospital staff noticed. Several nurses commented on how loving and attentive the Carters were to Jackie's needs.
"For your child's sake, you need to be completely accepting, unbiased, and not judge," Kelsey said. "The only time you should cut off contact is for the safety of the child."
This recent adoption placement proves that the journey can be so hard and so good—showing that adoption can be very difficult for all parties involved, but it can also bring so much joy.
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