“Give Up My Baby” vs. Choosing a Parenting Plan
Placing your baby for adoption isn’t giving up — it’s choosing a parenting plan. You decide the family, the openness level, and the kind of contact you want.
You may have reasons to have considered “giving up my baby.” We HATE the phrase, “give up my baby.”
Giving up sounds like defeat.
Giving up a baby sounds like walking away from a situation. At Heart to Heart Adoptions we don’t give up, and we don’t walk away from a situation. We find what is right for you. We find what is right for the baby. Maybe placing your infant for adoption is the right decision. But if you place your baby, you are carefully choosing a safe place for this child. THAT is NOT giving up. That is taking a hard road, a road you have chosen because you don’t give up on things.
You are not giving up. You are choosing a parenting plan which is best for you and your child.
This parenting plan might be an open adoption.
Your parenting plan with an open adoption might include weekly visits with the adoptive family.
Maybe your parenting plan includes monthly visits or only yearly visits.
Maybe you want pictures and only occasional visits.
Our adoption specialists are trained to help you find the family which will provide you with the best parenting plan. We will not give up until we find what is right.
Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes we have an adoptive family who will work perfectly for your needs.
Sometimes this is hard. Sometimes we have to search for precisely what you want and need. But we do not give up on you.
We do not give up on your baby.
Here’s one woman’s experience. “So you’ve decided to give the baby up?”
“So you’ve decided to give the baby up?”
The hospital employee’s tone was scornful.
The disapproval from a random stranger did not intimidate Tara.
“She obviously didn’t know me, or my situation, or how wonderful adoption can be,” said an exhausted Tara.
The young woman had just endured an emergency C-section and watched the hospital staff whisk the premature infant into the NICU.
Because the baby came early, there was not a potential adoptive family in the hospital. Tara wanted them there.
Several weeks earlier, the young woman had decided “giving my baby up is the right choice for me.”
Michelle, a case manager from Heart to Heart Adoptions, smiled and shook her head. “Don’t say ‘give up my baby.’ You are not giving up. You are so brave.”
Tara’s youth included watching her father die and then enduring the consequences of her own mother’s struggles as a single parent. This struggle forced Tara into the foster system and eventual placement in another family.
“My adoptive mother was a little older than most moms, and she had her own biological kids,” Tara explained. “She never once referred to me as her adopted daughter. I was always her daughter. I felt like I belonged to someone. I felt loved by her. I felt love from her.”
Having a positive experience with adoption was one of the reasons she was excited to move forward with placing her child.
“Tara is awesome,” Michelle said.
“She is such a hard worker. I would call her, and she would be walking in the rain to work at Subway. She was so committed to providing for herself and staying self-sufficient.”
Besides her day job, the young woman spent nights at a halfway house where she supervised the night routine of a dozen girls. Even before going into preterm labor, Tara was starting to cut back on her hours. She wanted the best for the baby she was carrying.
Contact us to know more about Heart to Heart Adoptions.
“My life and the lack of a father are not what is best for this baby right now,” Tara said.
“I did feel judged by the hospital worker, but she doesn’t make me doubt my decision.
“I have seen adoption from many sides. This is what is best for the baby and me.”
See also: Will I Regret Choosing Adoption? for what birth mothers say years after making this same choice.
FAQ - Simple
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes. Many open adoption arrangements evolve over time.
It means the agency keeps searching until they find a family that matches what you specifically want and need, even when that takes longer than expected.
Yes. Tara’s story shows how specific shared details, like a love of fishing or a Midwest background, can be exactly what makes a family feel right.
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