How Are Adoptive and Birth Families Supported When a Twin Doesn’t Survive?
When one twin doesn’t survive during a pregnancy involving an adoption plan, both the birth mother and the chosen adoptive family need real, present support through emergency delivery and complicated grief.
“You’re here,” Shanice whispered when she woke after surgery. “You’re really here.”
“I opened my eyes, and I saw Jodi,” Shanice* explained several weeks later. “When I woke up after surgery, she was right there. There was so much comfort in knowing she was there. I’m so grateful.” Jodi shrugs off Shanice’s comment. “Of course, I was going to be there.”
Shanice’s baby was born by an emergency C-section. With two adult children, Shanice was unprepared and unable to raise another child.
Even when Shanice discovered she was pregnant with twins, she didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy. Instead, she contacted us at Heart to Heart and explained the situation. After looking through several profiles, the Atlanta mother felt strongly that Scott and Jessica from Kansas would be the kind of parents she wanted for her baby. Late in the second trimester, one of the twins died in vitro.
Ideally, the water within the twin’s tissues, the amniotic fluid, and the placental tissue would be reabsorbed. In Shanice’s case, there were complications, and doctors determined she should be induced. After a grueling few hours, more complications required an emergency C-section in the middle of the night. Scott and Jessica hurried to be with the surviving baby.
For two months, the couple took turns watching over the child, holding him when possible, and making sure he knew their voice. A few weeks ago, the baby was finally released, and the grateful family drove home.
“To have Jodi, just her presence in the middle of the night, was so comfortable,” Shanice insists. “Not everyone would have done that for me.”
“Everyone from our agency would,” Jodi said.
*names changed
See also: How Do Birth Mothers Cope With Miscarriage During an Adoption Plan? for another real account of loss during pregnancy.
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Frequently Asked Questions
The adoption plan for the surviving baby can continue, though the loss itself requires its own support and space for grief.
Doctors continue to monitor and support the surviving baby closely, and delivery may need to happen earlier than planned.
Many stay close by and present, offering support to the birth mother through delivery and recovery.
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