Dear Birth Mothers: Here’s How Your Child’s Racial Identity Will Be Honored
Honoring Who Your Child Is
You will always be this child’s mother.
Not were at one time their mother. Are their mother. Always.
That mother position doesn’t end at placement. It doesn’t fade because another family is raising them, or because years go by without much contact, or because your child grows up and builds a life that looks different from yours. The biological, cultural, and emotional threads that connect you to your child are permanent. It belongs to both of you, and no adoption plan changes that.
We want you to know that before anything else.
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Our caseworkers have walked this path with hundreds of families. A conversation costs nothing.
Your child will always want to know about you
As your child grows, they will have questions. Not just about you as a person, but about where they come from? These questions are not a sign that something is wrong with the adoptive family. They are a sign that your child is doing exactly what healthy people do, figuring out who they are. And you can help them and be part of it.
Black culture is not one thing, no matter what the media suggests. Southern Black culture and New York Black culture and Pacific Northwest Black culture are as different from each other as the cities themselves. The culture of your specific family is something only you can give your child.
You decide how much contact looks like
Post-adoption contact is always part of what you get to decide. At Heart to Heart Adoptions, open adoption is not the same for everyone. We can help you decide if you want letters and photos every week or every month. Maybe you want phone calls. This contact will probably change over the years.
This relationship will ebb and flow — and that’s okay
Your contact, and the connection you have to your child will be different throughout the years. The contact your child has with other members of your family can change. Many children develop close relationships with their siblings. This is always a phone to watch.
We are all human and humans are complicated. We have seen mothers and adopted children develop some very unique relationships. Often very beautiful.
Read more about becoming a biracial family.
Learning everything you can and understanding the experiences of others will help you help your child.
FAQ - Simple
Frequently Asked Questions
Only if the adoptive family is intentional about building that connection — and only if you, as the birth mother, share your story, your culture, and your family with them over time. Open adoption creates the path. Both families have to walk it.
Post-adoption contact is any ongoing connection between birth and adoptive families after placement — visits, letters, photos, phone calls, social media. At Heart to Heart, contact arrangements are agreed upon before placement and can adjust over time.
Yes — and you should. Ask where they live, who is in their community, what they have read, what training they have done. Ask specifically. A family that has done the work will have specific answers.
Contact arrangements can evolve. Heart to Heart supports ongoing communication between birth and adoptive families and can help mediate when expectations shift. The goal is always what is best for the child.
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