Finding the Perfect Match: How We Help Adoptive Families at Heart to Heart Adoptions
When women come to Heart to Heart considering adoption, one of the first things they want to discuss is, “How do I find a good adoptive family for my baby?’ This often becomes a focal point for these women.
Most birth mothers are not looking for a family that lives in a mansion or can afford to send a child to private school. They want a family that can give the baby a good life and a life full of love.
Birth mothers also have other considerations, but those considerations are different for every birth mother. Here are some examples of what we have heard.
Birth mothers often have unique and deeply personal considerations for their child’s future that reflect their life experiences, values, or quirks. These might seem unusual or obscure, but they’re incredibly meaningful to them. Here are some examples of less common preferences birth mothers might express when choosing an adoptive family:
Finding the Perfect Match
To gain insight into the matching process, watch this video where Darla shares what she tells birth mothers about finding the right adoptive family. This perspective can help you, as potential adoptive parents, better understand the journey.
Call: 844-522-7700Lifestyle Preferences:
A birth mother might want the child to grow up in a pet-friendly household because she loves animals. Conversely, she might prefer a home without pets if she had negative experiences or allergies.
She might wish for her child to experience a family that travels frequently or values exploring different cultures and countries.
A preference for a vegetarian or vegan family because of her own ethical beliefs or lifestyle.
A birth mother who loved music might hope for a family with a piano in the house or one that values teaching musical skills.
She might want her child to live in a warm, sunny climate because she disliked the cold, or vice versa.
A desire for her child to grow up surrounded by forests, mountains, or near the ocean, particularly if she felt those settings were calming or inspiring.
A specific preference for the child to grow up in a bustling city or quiet rural area.
A preference for a family with a particular shared interest, such as gardening, martial arts, or a love of history.
If she grew up celebrating a unique festival or tradition, she might look for a family that would continue or honor it.
A birth mother might hope for a family that aligns with her political or social views, such as environmentalism or advocacy work.
A preference for a small family because she grew up in a big household and found it overwhelming, or vice versa.
She might prefer a family with a stay-at-home parent because she wished she’d had more time with her own parents growing up.
A desire for the adoptive family to have a close-knit extended family because she grew up with distant relatives.
She might request that the adoptive family consider using a particular name or initials meaningful to her.
A preference for a house filled with books, a yard for play, or even specific artwork that aligns with her passions or memories.
She might want the adoptive family to celebrate a less mainstream holiday she cherishes, like Día de los Muertos or Lunar New Year.
She might want her child to avoid families heavily involved in activities she associates with trauma, such as hunting or specific sports.
A birth mother might want her child to grow up in a household with plenty of social interaction because she experienced loneliness as a child.
A preference for adoptive parents who work in a particular profession (e.g., teachers, doctors) that aligns with her vision of opportunity.
A family that speaks multiple languages or values teaching a second language might appeal to her aspirations for her child’s global awareness.
As you can see, there is no way you can manipulate your family profile to align with all birth mothers. Just be honest.
We’ll Share Your Profile with Birth Mothers
Profiles give birth mothers insight into your home life, traditions, and what makes your family unique. This transparency can provide the reassurance they need to move forward confidently.
Usually, birth mothers cannot really tell us what inspired them to choose one family over another. They usually just “get a feeling,” “just like this family.”
If the birth mother asks to speak with you on the phone, DO NOT ask the birth mother what she liked about your home study. First, she probably doesn’t know what drew her to your profile. It’s just a feeling. Second, it sounds like you want to be complimented.
Don’t talk about your family profile. Talk about her. Show an interest in her, not an interest in what she likes about you.