Guest writer—An adopted teenager
I’m adopted, and even though my parents were some of the best, I have over the years accumulated a list of things I think people should be wary of and think about when looking to adopt.
–Do you have a Savior complex?
Don’t adopt to “save” a child. That’s satisfying your own needs and putting a duty on your child. If this is why you want to adopt, go to your local shelter and get a cat or a dog.
You can stop reading now because this is a deal-breaker. Children, adopted or biological, aren’t here to satisfy your emotional issues.
–Do you avoid feelings?
Don’t ignore their feelings about adoption. Even if you are great parents like mine were, there will be at the least abandonment issues. There might be more significant issues such as depression, mental health, and racism.
–Do you think of your children as collectibles?
When I see people bragging about proud adopting a child from every culture, I feel uncomfortable. Be proud of your child’s culture but don’t wear it as a badge. This is disingenuous and another way to use a child as a symbol for yourself.
–Adoption can be beautiful: As cynical as 1-3 are, adoption can form unbreakable bonds and help so many children.
I know a woman who was raised by a young mother and often said she wishes she was, “Given up for adoption.”
I know another woman who wishes she had not “been given up for adoption” and raised by her biological mother.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
There are definitely pros and cons, but it’s about what you’re willing to manage and adapt to.
If you’re willing to find solutions to problems and provide the support needed, you’re a great adoption candidate.
Put my baby up for adoption, or give my baby away.