“Dear Birth Mom,” From an Adopted Child

Guest writer

Dear Birth mothers,

I was adopted.

The woman who gave birth to me took newborn pictures of me, held me for three days, placed a bow in my hair, and then handed me to a social worker. Within a few hours, my adoptive parents straightened the bow and started taking their own set of pictures.

Do I resent being part of this process—carried to term by one woman, raised by another?


Not at all.

The first mother helped me find a home where I would have opportunities.

Twenty years later, the second mother helped me find my biological family.

I know them all.

How wonderful to know so many people in the world. And how amazing is it to have so many connections with other people?

I want to talk to birthmothers—especially you birth mothers who feel guilty.


It’s okay.

Yes, there are things about being adopted that are hard. But there are things about adoption that are pretty great, too.

I read a blog written by a birthmother where she apologizes to a child she placed for adoption. The blog begins:

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry if I caused it, even inadvertently. I’m sorry life is so rough.”

I appreciate a mother who is concerned for her child. But please, birth mothers, for most of us adopted children, life isn’t that rough.

I’m happy.

I gained strength from the rough parts. I’m happy that I have so many different components that make up who I am. I have learned to love so many people. I’m 25-years-old, and I am really grateful for the life I’ve lived. I’m even more grateful that my birth mother was open to having a relationship with me when I was ready.

Next month I’m going to be a bridesmaid at my half-sister’s wedding. It’s been an incredible journey getting to know them. It’s great being loved by such a large extended family going off into my adopted family and my birth family.

Birthmothers, what strong, incredible people you are for going through a pregnancy and giving birth to a kid like me.

Talk to someone who can help you make a plan. 



Don’t worry. When you say “give away my baby,” or “give up my baby.” You are really finding the life you want for you both.

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