Match
Both sides decide to move forward.
Lesson 4 of 5
What happens from matching to placement?
A new relationship. Important decisions. A team to help you take the next steps, one conversation at a time.
See the big picture
Where does a match fit in the journey?
Relationship
Begin getting to know each other.
Birth & legal steps
Follow the plan and the applicable legal process.
Placement
Physical custody is transferred.
Home & follow-up
Continue support and work toward finalization.
Matching begins planning and a relationship. It does not guarantee placement.
Before you say yes
What should we understand before accepting a match?
A presenting call gives you the information currently available. Ask what is known, what is missing, and what could still change.
More about the presenting callMedical information
What is documented, self-reported, or still unknown?
Legal questions
What has been reviewed, and what uncertainty remains?
Openness
What kind of ongoing contact is everyone hoping for?
Costs & travel
What expenses and arrangements should we prepare for?
Get to know each other
How can the relationship begin to feel natural?
Make room for ordinary conversation. Ask about her life, share your own, and let familiarity grow without forcing instant closeness.
- Listen to what she wants to know.
- Be honest about the contact you can maintain.
- Let your team help you prepare for the first meeting.
Dependability grows through small, repeated actions.
What should we prepare for at the hospital?
Make room for her plan
Her wishes, medical needs, and hospital policies shape the experience. Your role may change as her needs change.
- Ask your caseworker what has been planned.
- Stay flexible and follow her lead.
Understand the legal steps
A match, consent or relinquishment, and placement are different steps. Both parents’ rights and the required documents depend on the circumstances and applicable law. Your adoption attorney explains what applies.
Placement & travel
What happens before we head home?
Placement paperwork
Understand what you are signing and what happens next.
Interstate travel
Ask how ICPC applies and which approvals are needed.
Your first weeks
Keep your caseworker close and know who to contact.
Keep travel plans flexible. Placement and finalization are separate milestones.
A moment to make it yours
A small moment. A different perspective.
Try an opening, then consider how it might feel to someone else. There is no score to earn.
The first meeting
She’s quiet. Where would you begin?
You are meeting the expectant mother for the first time. Everyone is a little nervous.
A perspective to consider
This gives her room to set the pace. Leave space for an answer and let the conversation develop.
Quiet can mean many things: nerves, fatigue, reflection, or simply needing time. You do not have to decide what it means for her.
A question to take with you
How can we be present without trying to fill every silence?
A perspective to consider
Offering, rather than launching into a presentation, lets her choose what she wants to know. Share ordinary details and invite her questions.
A family profile may start a conversation. Meeting is a chance to get to know actual people, not to perform the profile.
A question to take with you
What is one ordinary part of our life we could share honestly?
Keeping promises
You are asked about visits, and you are not sure.
The conversation is warm. It would be easy to agree to a plan before you know whether you can maintain it.
A perspective to consider
A thoughtful pause protects the relationship. Be specific about what you need to discuss and when you will return to the conversation.
A smaller honest promise can be more dependable than an ambitious promise made under pressure.
A question to take with you
What could we keep doing when work, travel, or family life gets difficult?
A perspective to consider
Your team can help clarify expectations and what each person means by ongoing contact. Ask your attorney about the legal effect of an agreement.
People can use the same words—like regular contact—and picture different things.
A question to take with you
Which details would help everyone understand the same plan?
At the hospital
The hospital plan changes.
You expected to be in the room, but the expectant mother now wants more private time.
A perspective to consider
Her wishes and medical needs shape the experience. Your caseworker can help you understand your role as the plan changes.
A change in the plan may reflect her needs in that moment. Avoid treating it as a message you must interpret on your own.
A question to take with you
How can we manage our feelings while respecting her space?
A perspective to consider
Flexibility can include waiting nearby, staying in touch through the team, or supporting the plan in another way.
Being supportive sometimes means doing less and leaving room for someone else’s needs.
A question to take with you
What support can we ask for while we wait?
The presenting call
You hear something you do not understand.
There is a legal or medical detail in the presenting call, and everyone seems to be moving quickly.
A perspective to consider
Ask what is known, what remains uncertain, and which professional can answer the specific question. You do not need to pretend you understand.
A clear question can help the whole conversation slow down enough for an informed decision.
A question to take with you
What would we need explained before deciding?
A perspective to consider
A follow-up can help you speak with the appropriate medical or legal professional. Ask about the time available for your decision.
Taking a concern seriously is part of understanding what your family can support.
A question to take with you
Who is the right person to answer this question?
Heading home
Travel plans are becoming uncertain.
You are waiting for interstate approval, and the date you hoped to travel is approaching.
A perspective to consider
Your team can explain the status of your case and the approval required before travel. Keep plans flexible rather than treating an estimate as permission.
The waiting can feel difficult even when everyone is doing their part. Practical support can help you manage the uncertainty.
A question to take with you
What can we make flexible about lodging, work, and transportation?
A perspective to consider
Let your support people know what would help with work, pets, meals, or responsibilities at home. Check travel decisions with your team.
Asking for help can give you more room to focus on your new family.
A question to take with you
Who could take one responsibility off our plate this week?
A little practice. No score. Your responses stay on this page.
Explore at your own pace
What would you like to understand more deeply?
Open a question for the full explanation. Everything opens right here. Find an answer in this lesson.
No answers match that search.
Matching is not Heart to Heart Adoptions assigning a baby to the next family on a list.
Heart to Heart Adoptions generally begins the matching process when an expectant mother is approximately six to eight weeks from her due date. Her preferences and the approved family’s preferences both matter.
How Does Heart to Heart Adoptions Identify Families for a Situation?
The birth mother shares what she hopes for in an adoptive family. Depending on her preferences, factors can include family structure, occupation, religion, willingness to maintain the desired level of openness, whether a parent stays home, race, location and family size. Heart to Heart Adoptions then looks for approved families whose preferences and abilities fit the known circumstances.
Heart to Heart Adoptions also considers the adoptive family’s preferences and the facts of the situation. The expectant mother reviews the profiles presented to her and decides which family or families she wants to consider.
What Is a Presenting Call?
A presenting call is the conversation in which Heart to Heart Adoptions gives an adoptive family the information currently available about an adoption situation.
This is not a sales call. Your job is to listen, ask questions and decide whether the situation is one your family is prepared to accept.
What Information Will We Receive?
Available information may include self-reported social and medical history, disclosed prenatal substance use, photographs, professional observations, known legal concerns and estimated expenses.
Some information may be incomplete. Ask what is known, what is not known and what could still change.
Do We Have to Accept a Situation?
No. You are never required to accept a situation because Heart to Heart Adoptions presented it to you.
Declining a situation that does not fit your family is better than accepting because you feel pressured by the possibility of finally being matched.
What Should We Review Before Saying Yes?
Review the medical information, known legal issues, birth father risk, openness expectations, travel considerations and the financial agreement.
Who Makes the Final Choice?
The birth mother chooses the adoptive family she wants to move forward with. The family also decides whether to accept the situation.
When both sides choose to proceed, the match begins.
A few more questions
Who chooses the adoptive family?
The expectant mother chooses from appropriate approved families.
What is a presenting call?
It is the call where Heart to Heart Adoptions shares the information currently available about a possible adoption situation.
Do we have to accept a presented situation?
No.
What should we ask before accepting?
Ask about known medical, legal, financial and openness information and about what remains unknown.
When does Heart to Heart Adoptions generally begin matching?
The current orientation says approximately six to eight weeks before the due date.
Once an expectant mother chooses your family and everyone decides to proceed, you are matched.
The next stage is about communication, preparation and building a relationship while Heart to Heart Adoptions coordinates the practical pieces around the adoption.
Who Supports Us After the Match?
Heart to Heart Adoptions assigns an adoptive-family caseworker. This person becomes a central point of contact for updates, questions and preparation.
Heart to Heart Adoptions also continues supporting the birth mother through her own team.
How Will We Receive Updates?
The team provides regular updates as information becomes available. Heart to Heart Adoptions also sets up a private group for you and the birth family in Our Hearts Connect and can support calls, messages and meetings between you and the expectant mother.
Our Hearts Connect may be used as a private place for communication and sharing.
What Happens Financially at Matching?
Under Heart to Heart Adoptions’ current fee schedule, the first $24,000 of the $48,000 agency placement fee is due at matching.
You will also review the situation-specific financial agreement.
Should We Keep Adoption Expense Records?
Yes. Save agency statements, invoices, receipts, attorney bills, court costs and travel records.
The IRS says qualified adoption expenses can include adoption fees, attorney fees, court costs, travel and certain other expenses directly related to a legal adoption. Tax treatment depends on the applicable tax year and your circumstances.
What Should We Know About the Federal Adoption Tax Credit?
A federal Adoption Tax Credit may be available to eligible families, but the rules and dollar limits can change.
Do not rely on an amount someone received in a previous year. Check current IRS guidance for the tax year that applies to your expenses and consider talking with a qualified tax professional.
What Should We Prepare for Next?
Now is the time to build the relationship, understand the hospital plan, prepare for travel if needed and stay in close contact with your caseworker.
A few more questions
Who supports the adoptive family after matching?
Heart to Heart Adoptions assigns an adoptive-family caseworker.
What is currently due at matching?
The first $24,000 portion of the agency placement fee. the “How Much Does Adoption Through Heart to Heart Adoptions Cost?” answer.
Should we save adoption-related receipts?
Yes.
Can we rely on last year’s Adoption Tax Credit amount?
No. Check current IRS guidance for the applicable tax year.
What comes next after matching?
Relationship building and preparation for delivery and placement.
After matching, you are not only preparing for a baby. You are getting to know another person.
The strongest relationships usually begin with ordinary conversation, honesty and the willingness to let trust develop instead of trying to force instant closeness.
What Should We Talk About?
Talk about everyday life. Ask about her interests, family, work, favorite foods, plans and the things she wants you to know.
Share your own life too. A relationship cannot grow if every conversation feels like an interview.
What Should We Avoid?
Avoid treating every call as a pregnancy update. Avoid making promises you have not thought through. Avoid asking questions in a way that makes her feel she has to reassure you that she will place.
She is still making decisions about her child.
What If We Are Nervous?
That is normal. She may be nervous too.
You do not need perfect questions. Start with ordinary conversation. Heart to Heart Adoptions can help you prepare when you are unsure how to approach a topic.
When Should We Talk About Open Adoption?
Before placement. Talk about the kind of contact each side hopes for and what you realistically believe you can maintain.
What If Something Feels Uncomfortable?
Tell your Heart to Heart Adoptions team. Small misunderstandings are easier to address early than after resentment builds.
Support does not mean someone takes sides. It means helping people communicate clearly.
What Does She Need From Us?
Honesty and dependability matter. If you say you will call, call. If you are unsure about something, say that instead of making a promise because the moment feels emotional.
Trust is built in small repeated actions.
A few more questions
Should every conversation be about the baby?
No. Get to know the birth mother as a person.
What if conversation feels awkward?
That is common. Start simply and ask Heart to Heart Adoptions for help when needed.
When should openness expectations be discussed?
Before placement.
What if we disagree about contact?
Talk about the difference before making promises.
What builds trust?
Honesty, dependability and consistent follow-through.
Meeting in person can make a match feel much more real.
It can also make everyone nervous. The goal is not to impress each other. It is to spend enough time together that the relationship begins to feel like a relationship between actual people.
Why Meet Before Delivery?
When circumstances allow, meeting before delivery gives you time together without the intensity of the hospital.
You can talk, ask questions and begin building familiarity before a day when emotions and medical needs may be much bigger.
Who Helps Prepare Us?
Heart to Heart Adoptions helps both sides prepare for the first meeting. A member of the Heart to Heart Adoptions team will be there to support you and the birth mother when you meet for the first time, and can help with questions, boundaries and what she is comfortable with.
Heart to Heart Adoptions should confirm the exact staff-support arrangement for each situation before the meeting.
What Should We Talk About?
Start with normal conversation. Learn about each other’s families, interests and lives. If she wants to talk about the pregnancy, hospital or adoption plan, follow her lead.
Open-adoption expectations may also come up naturally.
What Should We Avoid?
Do not turn the meeting into an interrogation. Do not ask her to reassure you that she will place. Do not make promises about the future simply to make the meeting go well.
How Long Should the Meeting Last?
There is no required length. Some people connect quickly. Others need time.
The best meeting is not the longest one. It is one where everyone leaves feeling respected and clearer about the relationship.
What Happens After the Meeting?
Talk with your Heart to Heart Adoptions team about questions or concerns that came up. Keep communicating in the way everyone has agreed.
A few more questions
Does every match include the same kind of first meeting?
No. Circumstances and comfort levels differ.
Do we need to impress the expectant mother?
No. The goal is to get to know each other honestly.
Should we ask her to promise she will place?
No.
Can Heart to Heart Adoptions help us prepare?
Yes.
What comes next?
Continue the relationship and prepare for the hospital plan and delivery.
Delivery day is one of the most emotional parts of an adoption plan, and there is no single script for it.
The birth mother’s hospital plan guides the experience. Her medical needs, wishes and the hospital’s policies determine what happens.
Who Makes the Hospital Plan?
The expectant mother directs her hospital plan. She can express who she wants present, how much time she wants with the baby and what contact she wants with the adoptive family, subject to medical circumstances and hospital policies.
Until she leaves the hospital, follow her lead.
What Is the Adoptive Family’s Role?
Your role depends on her plan. You may spend significant time with her and the baby, or she may need more private time.
Do not treat access to the baby as something you are owed because you are matched.
How Does Heart to Heart Adoptions Support the Birth mother?
When possible, a Heart to Heart Adoptions traveler is with the expectant mother to provide support and help with coordination.
How Does Heart to Heart Adoptions Support Us?
Your adoptive-family caseworker coordinates with you and supports you from afar, helping you understand updates and next steps.
When Can We See or Hold the Baby?
That depends on the hospital plan, the birth mother’s wishes, the baby’s medical needs and hospital policy.
Ask your Heart to Heart Adoptions team what has been planned rather than making assumptions.
What Happens After the Hospital?
Leaving the hospital and legal placement are not automatically the same event. Consent or relinquishment and other required legal steps must occur before the agency can legally place the child.
A few more questions
Who directs the hospital plan?
The expectant mother, subject to hospital and medical circumstances.
Are adoptive parents guaranteed time with the baby?
No.
Who supports the birth mother when possible?
A Heart to Heart Adoptions traveler.
Who coordinates with the adoptive family?
The adoptive-family caseworker.
Does hospital discharge automatically mean legal placement?
Consent and relinquishment are legal steps. They are not simply a conversation in the hospital or a verbal promise made before birth.
The exact documents, timing and revocation rules depend on the state and circumstances, so the attorney handling the adoption must confirm what applies in each case.
What Is Adoption Consent?
Consent is a legal agreement to the adoption when the person signing has the legal right to give that consent. The form and requirements vary by jurisdiction.
What Is Relinquishment?
Relinquishment generally refers to the legal surrender of parental rights or custody needed for the adoption process. The terminology used can differ by state.
The important point for families is that these are formal legal acts.
When Can a Birth Mother Sign?
State law controls when valid documents can be signed after birth. Do not rely on a rule from another state or another family’s adoption.
Heart to Heart Adoptions and the adoption attorney will explain the timing for the specific adoption.
What Happens Before She Signs?
She should have the opportunity to review the documents and receive the legal or professional support required for the situation.
Financial support, a match or time spent with the adoptive family does not require her to sign.
Are Adoptive Parents Present When She Signs?
Do not assume you will be present. The signing process should protect the birth parent’s privacy, legal rights and ability to make the decision without pressure.
What Happens After Relinquishment?
Once the required consents, relinquishments and other legal steps allow the agency to proceed, placement can occur.
A few more questions
Can every state use the same consent timing?
No. State laws differ.
Does receiving pregnancy-related support require a woman to sign?
No.
Is a verbal promise the same as legal consent?
Should adoptive parents assume they will be present for signing?
What happens after the required legal steps allow placement?
The agency can proceed with legal placement.
Before valid consent or relinquishment, a birth mother is making decisions about her pregnancy and her child.
Adoption professionals and adoptive parents can provide information and support, but they do not get to make those decisions for her.
Can She Choose the Adoptive Family?
Yes. Heart to Heart Adoptions’ matching process is built around the expectant mother reviewing appropriate approved families and choosing the family she wants to consider.
Can She Direct the Hospital Plan?
Yes. Subject to hospital policy and medical circumstances, she can express who she wants present, how she wants to spend time with the baby and what role she wants the adoptive family to have.
Can She Decide What Kind of Openness She Wants?
She can describe the kind of ongoing contact she hopes for. The adoptive family also needs to be honest about what it can maintain.
Those expectations should be discussed before placement.
Can She Change Her Mind Before Signing?
Yes. Before valid consent or relinquishment, she may decide to parent.
A match is not a legal obligation to place.
What Happens After She Signs?
The effect of signed documents, including whether and how they can be revoked, depends on applicable state law.
Do not publish one nationwide rule. The attorney handling the adoption should explain the law for the specific case.
Can She Receive Support?
Heart to Heart Adoptions provides counseling and support, and lawful pregnancy-related assistance may be available depending on the circumstances and applicable law.
That support does not purchase consent and does not require placement.
A few more questions
Can a birth mother choose the adoptive family?
Yes.
Can she change her mind before valid consent or relinquishment?
Does lawful financial support obligate her to place?
No.
Can she express the kind of open adoption she wants?
Are post-signing revocation rules the same in every state?
No. The attorney must confirm applicable law.
Birth father rights can be one of the more complicated parts of domestic adoption because the answer depends on both facts and state law.
Marriage, established paternity, notice, registration, support and timely legal action can all matter. There is no one sentence that accurately describes every case.
Does the Birth Father Have to Consent?
Sometimes. Whether consent is required depends on the facts and applicable law.
The adoption attorney evaluates the relationship, legal status and actions taken by the biological father.
What If He Supports the Adoption?
The attorney determines what documents or legal steps are required. Support for the plan does not eliminate the need to complete the correct legal process.
What If He Does Not Support the Adoption?
The legal team evaluates his rights and the options available under applicable law. The level of uncertainty can be very different from one situation to another.
What If His Identity or Location Is Uncertain?
The agency and attorneys follow the searches, notices or other procedures required for the situation.
Families should ask what has been done, what remains unknown and what legal risk remains.
What Is a Putative Father Registry?
Some states use registries through which an unmarried man may need to take action to preserve or assert certain rights.
Requirements differ by state. Do not assume the rule from one state applies in another.
What Information Will We Receive About Birth Father Risk?
Heart to Heart Adoptions should share the known legal information available during the presenting process and explain what remains uncertain.
Additional legal work can sometimes affect expenses.
A few more questions
Does every biological father have the same consent requirement?
No.
What if the birth father supports the plan?
The correct legal documents and procedures still need to be completed.
What if his location is unknown?
The legal team follows the required search, notice or other procedures.
Are putative father registry rules nationwide?
No. Requirements vary by state.
Can birth father issues affect legal expenses?
Sometimes. Ask about known legal and financial implications before accepting the match.
Placement is the legal transfer of physical custody of the child to the adoptive parents. In the process described in Heart to Heart Adoptions’s current orientation, Heart to Heart Adoptions maintains legal custody until finalization.
It is one of the biggest milestones in the process, but it is not the same as finalization.
When Can Placement Happen?
Placement can occur after the required legal steps allow the agency to place the child with the adoptive family.
The exact timing depends on the state and circumstances.
What Do Adoptive Parents Sign?
Adoptive parents sign placement documents required for the agency to transfer physical custody. In the process described in Heart to Heart Adoptions’s current orientation, Heart to Heart Adoptions maintains legal custody until finalization.
Your Heart to Heart Adoptions team and attorney will explain the documents for your case.
Is Placement the Same as Finalization?
No. Placement begins daily family life with the child, while finalization is the later court process that legally completes the adoption.
What Happens Financially at Placement?
Under Heart to Heart Adoptions’ current fee schedule, the second $24,000 portion of the agency placement fee is due at placement.
What If the Baby Was Born in Another State?
If the child is being placed across state lines, ICPC may require you to remain in the birth state until written interstate approval is received.
What Happens After Placement?
Post-placement supervision begins. You start parenting while also completing required visits and reports before finalization.
A few more questions
Is placement just taking the baby home from the hospital?
No. Placement is a legal transfer of physical custody.
Is the adoption final at placement?
No.
What is currently due at placement?
The second $24,000 portion of the agency placement fee.
What if the child was born in another state?
ICPC may require the family to remain in the birth state until approval.
What begins after placement?
Daily family life and the post-placement supervision period.
ICPC stands for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.
When a child is placed for adoption across state lines, the required interstate review generally must be completed before the adoptive family can take the child home to another state.
When Does ICPC Apply?
ICPC generally applies when a child is placed across state lines, subject to the facts and applicable rules.
Your adoption team will tell you whether ICPC applies to your placement.
Why Can’t We Go Home Right Away?
Both the sending and receiving states review the placement and confirm the required information and approvals. Heart to Heart Adoptions prepares and files the ICPC paperwork for the family. The purpose is to make sure the interstate placement meets applicable requirements.
Do not leave the birth state with the child until the required written approval has been received.
How Long Does ICPC Take?
Timelines vary by state, office workload and the circumstances of the case. Heart to Heart Adoptions cannot promise an exact number of days.
Plan for uncertainty rather than booking travel around a guaranteed approval date.
What Should We Budget for While Waiting?
You may need lodging, meals, local transportation, a rental car or changed airline reservations.
Because the exact length of the stay can be hard to predict, build some flexibility into the travel budget.
What Do We Do While We Wait?
Care for the baby, stay in contact with your Heart to Heart Adoptions team and be ready to provide information if something else is requested.
Do not interpret a quiet day as a sign that something is wrong. Interstate processing involves offices outside your direct control.
What Happens After We Receive Approval?
Once the required interstate approval is received, you can travel home with the child and continue the post-placement process.
A few more questions
What does ICPC stand for?
Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.
Can we leave the birth state before the required approval?
No. Wait for the required written approval.
Can Heart to Heart Adoptions promise an exact ICPC timeline?
No.
What expenses should we plan for?
Possible lodging, meals, transportation and changes to travel arrangements.
What happens after approval?
The family can travel home and continue post-placement requirements.