Dear Birth Moms From An Adopted Child

lexy-dear-birthmothersDear Birth mothers,

I was adopted. The woman who gave birth to me took newborn pictures of me, held me for three days, placed a bow in my hair and then handed me to a social worker. Within a few hours my adoptive parents straightened the bow and started taking their own set of pictures.

Do I resent being part of this process—carried to term by one woman, raised by another? No. Not at all. The first mother helped me find a home where I would have opportunities. Twenty years later the second mother, helped me find my biological family. I know them all. How wonderful to know so many people in the world. And how amazing is it to have so many connections with other people?

A woman at Heart to Heart Adoptions asked me what adoptive parents should know from an adoptee’s perspective.  And I’ll write that blog later, but first I want to talk to birthmothers. Especially you birthmothers who feel guilty. Stop. It’s okay. Yes, there are things about being adopted that are hard. But there are things about adoption that are pretty great, too.

I read a blog written by a birthmother where she begins by apologizing to a child she placed for adoption. The blog begins:

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry if I caused it, even inadvertently. I’m sorry life is so rough.”

I appreciate a mother who is concerned for her child. But please, birthmothers, for most of us adopted children, life isn’t really that rough.

I’m happy. I gained strength from the rough parts. I’m happy that I have so many different parts that make up who I am. I have learned to love so many people. I’m 25-years-old and I am really grateful for the life I’ve lived. I’m even more grateful that my birth mother was open to having a relationship with me when I was ready.

This weekend, I’m going to go to a haunted house with my half-sisters. I’m going to ask them how they feel about getting to know me. I’ll add that information in the next blog, but for now birthmothers, what strong incredible people you are for going through a pregnancy and giving birth to a kid like me.



You can read my mother’s version here.

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  1. stephanie on October 12, 2017 at 4:49 am

    Thank you for sharing your perspective! As a potential adoptive parent, I want to know all sides.

    • Betty on October 18, 2018 at 11:31 pm

      Hi, Lexy
      My name is Betty . This was so helpful for me. I am a birth mom and I gave my son up seven years ago. He is a healthy beautiful angel and I do have days of guilt, fear, and depression. I have an open adoption and receive pictures, letters and send them as well. I am 30 years of age and my life is rough but I have four other children who know about their brother. They love him as if he was here. I love him with all of me, and yes if I would have made better choices in life he would be here with me, but our journey was different. I now have hope of one day meeting him, holding, kissing, and getting to know him as a person first. This is only if he allows me. One day that day will be the most happiest but nervous day for me. I love you Elijah Jack! He will be 8 next month. Birth moms it will get better, and adoptive parents just be patient make sure it is right for you and love that child unconditionally. Never worry that he or she will meet their biological parents and never come back especially if you have shown them the love and support in their lives. Thanks for reading!

  2. Larah Ritchie on June 7, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story.

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