“Can you guarantee that this won’t happen again?” asked a family when a mother changed her mind and decided to parent.
The answer is, “No.”
If you have a failed adoption, we can’t guarantee you won’t have another.
And we don’t want to make that guarantee.
To make such a guarantee, we would have to manipulate expectant mothers.
We would have to take their power.
We can’t do that.
Our organization includes women who have placed babies, women who have adopted babies, and women who are adopted.
Our personal backgrounds ensure our personal concern for each individual in the triad of adoption.
A young birth mother, not old enough to have a high school diploma, chose a family with which to place her baby.
She entered the hospital and the adoptive family drove several hundred miles to be near.
As the young mother held the child, she decided not to place her baby for adoption but to parent.
The adoptive family left their hotel room and started to drive home.
We’ve had this happen before.
Even through their grief and disappointment, some adoptive families wish the birth mother the best.
“I’m glad things are working well for her,” they say.
Other families leave angry feeling as if they had been scammed.
The feelings of grief are understandable. We’re sorry.
We promise that those who stay with us will eventually be matched with a child who belongs with them.
We don’t guarantee you’ll never have a failed adoption.
In the above scenario, the adoptive family was four hours into an eight-hour drive home, when the birth mother changed her mind again and decided she was not in a position to parent. A call was made to the family.
“Come back,” they were told.
They had the option of joy.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, we will turn around right now. We will do what we can to help her feel comfortable with this really hard decision.”
They had the option of anger.
“Really? How dare she jerk us around.”
When they have the second reaction, then the birth mother wonders how will they deal with her child when the unexpected happens? When they have the second reaction, do they lose her trust?
So, we are trying to forewarn you. We can’t make guarantees. We are dealing with people. We are dealing with emotions. However, trust the process.